I Did Not Mean It
He did not intend to die that day. I believe that in my heart, brain, and every part of my being.
“I did not mean it. I did not mean it. I did not mean it.”
“I am really sorry. I do not know why this happened.”
“I felt like there was a shift in my brain, like an opioid experience. Like there was something more in the drugs (street marijuana). It should not have happened like that. There had to have been something else in the drugs. There was a chemistry change in my brain. It was like an out of body experience, like a dream state; I was watching myself, going through the motions, but I had no emotion tied to it.”
“I was really tired. It was not an intentional suicide. I was not in the correct state of mind, but like in a catatonic dream. I do not know how this happened.”
In researching about marijuana, I also came across information where it can lead to a psychosis state. I think this is what my son was in, not knowing what he was doing was real.
He did not intend to die that day. I believe that in my heart, brain, and every part of my being. He had made plans with a friend, earlier on the phone, to meet the following week. He was making other long-term plans for attending an upcoming wedding and finding a new place to live. His apartment was clean. There were fresh towels in the bathroom. He had eaten the groceries we bought the week before together. He was watching YouTube videos earlier in the day. He had spoken to another friend, earlier, stating he felt anxious and thought it was the brownie (laced with street marijuana).
In researching about marijuana, I also came across information where it can lead to a psychosis state. I think this is what my son was in, not knowing what he was doing was real.
[Psychosis state is a condition that affects the mind, where there has been some loss of contact with reality. A person’s thoughts and perceptions are disturbed and the individual may have difficulty understanding what is real and what is not. Symptoms of psychosis include delusions (false beliefs) and hallucinations (seeing or hearing things that others do not see or hear). Other symptoms include incoherent or nonsense speech, and behavior that is inappropriate for the situation. A person in a psychotic episode may also experience depression, anxiety, sleep problems, social withdrawal, lack of motivation and difficulty functioning overall (National Institute of Mental Health (NIMH), n.d.)].
"I've done a lot of drugs in my life. The most negative drug experiences I've ever had in my life are from weed edibles."
I have heard about these psychosis stories, reading them on Youtube posts and second hand, from those who experienced them. The actor Seth Rogan, shared in an interview with Howard Stern, the risks with edibles. Rogan said, “They are a crapshoot.” Snoop Dogg told him he does not use edibles as there is not an off button. Rogen further said, “I’ve done a lot of drugs in my life. The most negative drug experiences I’ve ever had in my life are from weed edibles.” He shared the risks of taking one bite too many from a gummy bear. Drug manufacturers continue to test the drug dosage in their manufacturing process so no dose is too strong. This controlled environment is not present in the home kitchen, causing a risk of the higher dosage. I have attached a link to the Seth Rogan interview posted on YouTube (Howard Stern Show, Jun 23, 2017).
I do not think these experiences are myths. Research tells us these are real. Psychosis may be a symptom of a mentalillness, most commonly schizophrenia, but can occur from other causes, which I think was applicable to my son, “…Such as sleep deprivation, certain prescription medications, and the abuse of alcohol or other drugs, such as marijuana, can cause psychotic symptoms (NIMD, n.d.).”
I also found through research that certain people are more vulnerable to psychotic states from marijuana, not tied to a mentalillness, especially at high doses. From viewing his phone, I know he bought 2 ounces of marijuana (which is a gallon size zip lock bag). I have read 2 ounces is much more than an average casual smoker will possess at any given time. They baked a large amount of it into the brownies.
[Marijuana can produce an acute psychotic reaction in non-schizophrenic people who use marijuana, especially at high doses, which fades as the drug wears off. (National Institute of Drug Abuse (NIDA), 2018, June 25).
One of his friends said that marijuana was only a social thing for them. For this time too, the intent was social. They divided up the brownies the night before. They said he was in good spirits. He seemed no different.
One of his friends said that marijuana was only a social thing for them. For this time too, the intent was social. They divided up the brownies the night before. They said he was in good spirits. He seemed no different.
His friends shared, they did not experience side effects from the brownies, but I have read that the effects can be different, and it depends on the frequency of use. One friend shared my son was smoking marijuana more frequently. He might have smoked and ingested the day leading up. We will not know how much was in his system because the corner does not test for marijuana, as it stays in the system for weeks, so they cannot tell if it was a contributing factor.
[The strongest evidence to date concerns links between marijuana use and substance use disorders and between marijuana use and psychiatric disorders in those with a preexisting genetic or other vulnerability. Recent research has found that people who use marijuana and carry a specific variant of the AKT1 gene, which codes for an enzyme that affects dopamine signaling in the striatum, are at increased risk of developing psychosis. The striatum is an area of the brain that becomes activated and flooded with dopamine when certain stimuli are present. One study found that the risk of psychosis among those with this variant was seven times higher for those who used marijuana daily compared with those who used it infrequently or used none at all. (NIDA, 2018, June 25).
Dr. Jennifer Ashton, ABC News Chief Medical Correspondent (Twitter @DrJAshton), spoke today on the morning news, about a spike in marijuana use for college age, young adults, the highest use in three decades. In my son’s case, I know street marijuana is not a safe drug. There can be unknown additives to the drugs and by ingesting it, you can not control the high. It is just dangerous. I lost my son from it.
I know he loves me, his dad, and his sister. I know he is sorry, and I know this was out of his control and therefore, not his fault. We will figure it out; how to get through this, for him to be with us on earth, while he is in his after-life. I just want him to be happy.
Postscript
If you are a naysayer to the belief that marijuana can be addictive, I have attached a reference for you, which states that it can be addictive, and there is a risk of overdose, from the National Institute of Drug Abuse (NIDA), (2018, June 25, Marijuana. Retrieved from <https://www.drugabuse.gov/publications/research-reports/marijuana/marijuana-addictive> on 2018, September 5).
Post Postscript
A year past his death, new findings are coming out the about marijuana and psychosis.
Eighteen months, past my son’s death I found new conversations on social media about the risks of mixing marijuana with chocolate, causing a greater high, which is a risk for psychosis.
REFERENCES
National Institute of Mental Health, n.d., RAISE Questions and Answers, viewed 05 September 2018, Retrieved from <https://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/topics/schizophrenia/raise/raise-questions-and-answers.shtml>.
NIDA. (2016, January 11). Hallucinogens. What are hallucinogens?, Retrieved from <https://www.drugabuse.gov/publications/drugfacts/hallucinogens> on 2018, September 5.
NIDA. (2018, June 25). Marijuana. What are marijuana effects?, Retrieved from <https://www.drugabuse.gov/publications/research-reports/marijuana/what-are-marijuana-effects> on 2018, September 5.
NIDA. (2018, June 25). Marijuana. Is there a link between marijuana use and psychiatric disorders?. Retrieved from <https://www.drugabuse.gov/publications/research-reports/marijuana/there-link-between-marijuana-use-psychiatric-disorders> on 2018, September 5
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