Even though you will not see your loved one physically, you have the memory of them and how they filled and continue to influence your life. Celebrate that on their birthday.
Birthdays in Heaven
My son will be turning 25 soon. I believe people still age in heaven, at least chronologically. They no longer have a physical body, of course, but I think they still have a bodily form. I imagine they can choose whatever age they want to be for their heavenly body.
I shared with my loss survivor support group that we will be celebrating my son’s birthday with him. We will be physically apart from each other, but if he can sense us, I want him to know we are celebrating his life.
My son will always be a part of me, and he will be for many of you who knew him. I will forever think of him in the present, as that is how he is in my mind. Therefore, we continue to celebrate his birthday.
When you lose an essential person in your life, they are indelible. They are still present to us, in how they shaped us, and our memories of them.
Like most children, when he was young, his birthday was a big deal. When he was in grade school, we hosted parties with his friends and grandparents, mixed in with baseball. He played in a league from age four all through high school, and there were baseball games every week from April through July.
As he got older, celebrating his birthday with his friends was primary, as it should be. In place of playing ball, he went to watch the MN Twins at the new TCF Bank Stadium. My son still made time for us to celebrate with him as a family. Our celebration with him usually focused on a family dinner. His dad would grill, and we would dine alfresco on the patio surrounded by the blooming spring flowers.
He was only food possessive with a few favorites, his birthday cake, cookies and cream ice cream from Sebastian Joes and Dad's grilled turkey burgers.
I always made a cake from scratch, his favorite that became a tradition was banana cake with milk chocolate and peanut butter frosting; recipe also in my blog. He was only food possessive with a few favorites, and this was one of them. He would take the leftovers back with him, to his apartment. If we did not have cake, we would head to our favorite house-made ice cream shop where he would usually order cookies and cream.
I think of my son almost every minute of every day. I miss his voice and his hugs, his humor, and the time together as we stood in the kitchen around the center island, as he shared with me the things he newly discovered from podcasts he listened to, news read, and videos watched. Pop news and talk shows are covering the latest excitement of a movie series my son often talked about.
My son is an avid fan of Marvel. The timing of his birthday since he died has aligned with the release of the Marvel Avenger series. He and my daughter would theorize over the Marvel movie plots, the development of the characters, and their favorite scenes. They had the opportunity to debate about the “Avengers: Infinity War”, before his death.
Marvel released this week the second in a series of the Avenger plot. I will miss seeing my two adult children express their excitement and anticipation about this release.
So now my birthday wishes for my son, that involves you, to honor the things he loved to do on his birthday
When hearing the sound of a baseball connecting with a metal bat, think of him.
When you are in the stands of a major league baseball game with your family or friends, look to the outfield and think of him.
When you go to the opening of a new Marvel movie, think of him.
When you hear a song from any of his music playlists, think of him.
When you are on the dance floor, think of him.
When you are out with a bunch of your friends, think of him.
Lastly, enjoy a piece of chocolate cake or bowl of cookies and cream ice cream, and think of him.
Even though you will not see your loved one physically, you have the memory of them and how they filled and continue to influence your life. Celebrate that on their birthday.
My son will always be a part of my present and future life. I carry him with me, as I live out mine.
When you lose an essential person in your life, they are indelible. They are still present to us, in how they shaped us, and our memories of them. In thinking of them, we may laugh, we may cry from sadness, at times feel like our hearts and minds have been ripped out of our bodies because they left. But, they will always be a part of you. My son will always be a part of me.
Happy 25th Birthday Baby
This is my son’s favorite birthday cake. It became a birthday tradition. Accompany this rich cake with a big glass of milk. The banana cake is light; paring with peanut butter in the frosting makes it a decadent cake.
I originally found this recipe from marthastewart.com.
Banana Cake
Ingredients
- 8 tablespoons (1 stick) unsalted butter, room temperature, plus more for coating pans
- 2 1/2 cups sifted cake flour (not self-rising), plus more for dusting
- 3/4 teaspoons baking soda
- 1/2 teaspoon baking powder
- 1/2 teaspoon salt
- 1 cup pureed ripe bananas (about 3)
- 1 teaspoon pur vanilla extract
- 1/4 buttermilk
- 2 tablespoons pure vegetable shortening
- 1 1/2 cups superfine sugar
- 3 large eggs, lightly beaten
- Milk Chocolate Peanut Butter Frosting (recipe follows)
Instructions
- Preheat the oven to 350°. Butter two 8-by-2inch round cake pans, and line bottomes with parchment paper. Dust the bottom and sides with flour; tap ou any excess. Set aside.
- Sift together four, baking soda, baking powder, and salt into a large bowl; reserve. In a medium bowl, combine banans, vanilla extract, and buttermilk; stir to combine. Set aside.
- In a bowl of a heavy-duty mixer fitted with the paddle attachment, combine butter and shortening. Beat on medium speed until creamy, about 1 minute. Gradually add sugar, beating until light and fluffy, about 3 minutes. Using a rubber spatula, scrape down sides of a bowl as necessary. Reduce mixer speed to low; drizzle in eggs, mixing until batter is no longer slick, about 2 minutes. Slowly add reserved flour mixture to egg mixture, alternating with banana mixture, a little of each at a time, starting and ending with flour. Scrap down side of bowl.
Divide batter evenly between prepared pans. Bake until light golden brown and a cake tester inserted into the center of each cake comes out clean, 35 to 40 minutes.
Transfer pans to a wire rank to cool, about 15 minutes. Invert pans to remove cakes; return cakes to wire rack, top side up, to cool completely.
To assemble cake, remove parchment paper from bottoms of cake. Using a serrated knife, slice each layer in half horizontally. Place one sliced layer, cut side up, on an 8-inch cake round. Spread with 2/3 cup of frosting. Repeat this process, stacking the second and third layers on the first. Place fourth layer on top, cut side down. Frost outside of cake with remaining frosting. Transfer cake to a serving plate. Serve at room temperature.
Milk Chocolate Peanut Butter Frosting
- 1 pound milk chocolate, finely chopped
- 8 tablespoons (1 stick) unsalted butter, cut into small pieces
- 1 1/2 cups smooth peanut butter
- 2 tablespoons milk
- Prepare an ice bath. Melt chocolate in a medium heat-proof bowl set over a pot simmering water. Remove from heat, add butter, and whisk until melted. Add peanut butter and milk, whisk to combine.
- Place frosting over ice bath, and whisk until it reaches a spreading consistency. Use immediately.
If the frosting becomes too thick, place over a pot of simmering water for a few seconds, and whisk until smooth.
